Self Care

I have been told over and over again how self care should be my first priority.... Sure! And I promise, it totally is.... After I take care of the bills, work, pissy clients, what's for dinner, why don't I have any money in my bank account, yet work all the time? And though I feel this list could go on all day, that would just remind me more and more of things I need to get done, but won't have time to get done, thus ending in me feeling a bit in despair, and ultimately out of control. You have heard of selective hearing, right? I have selective priorities....not really, but I think I pick and choose which ones I stress about and which ones I don't. To be honest, for the most part, I feel like I have this gooey, slime, jello like substance surrounding me. And when something comes my way, after I dodge and duck to avoid it, it catches up to me, probably the slime holding me back? At this time it hits me, but I would say 99.8% of the time by the time this conflict makes contact with my gooey-slime it slides down towards my feet, I am done with it. I can't decide if it is because I have too much to stress about that I subconsciously refuse to deal with, or I really do have a lot to worry about and my brain and body can't jam one more item in? Or, there is a slight possibility, that I really don't worry about much, and thus just don't care about the stress attack, well, except for cleaning off the goo....
I don't know? But better yet, I don't think I care. Most of the time I believe I am true and perfect follower of the phrase, "grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. ...," and in so many ways, may be the only reason I am still a bit sane? But what if I don't know the difference and just blow off everything?
O-Well.
However this began (some tangent of something totally different, I am sure), I think it is mostly coming from this eternal pressure I have began to put on myself these days. I have gazillion (real word-in the new dictionary!) interests and thoughts and ideas of something I want to do, write, create, buy, sew, cook, and again, another list that can go on and on. And most of the time I get too overwhelmed with just thinking of my options that I tire before the pen touches the paper, or any other graphic way I can describe the previous mentioned activities.
I guess I feel like everyday I have a continuing war within me. On one side, we have the the go getter, do it all-people pleaser verses the and the Bob Marley, everything is gonna be alright/take it easy and as it comes. I feel like a walking contradiction within sometimes. Like parts of me needs order and checklists, with well thought out goals, mostly so I don't waste time, however the other just wants to finger paint and see what comes?